so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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