Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
