I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
