I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
