His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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