i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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