How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
