Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
