can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
