is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
