i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
