You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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