my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
