You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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