Don't make out with my wife yet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
