I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
