Who wears a wallet chain?!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
