remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
did you just send me my own nude
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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