How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
