the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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