Need sex. Gaining weight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
