I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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