when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
