So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
