it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
