i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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