I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
