Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
foreskin is a definite game changer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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