Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
