I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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