I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
