please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
