forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
