you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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