Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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