Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
