Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Girls should come with a carfax report
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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