just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
