my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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