I must be too annoying 4 u.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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