Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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