I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
