So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
