Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
