I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
