Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
