It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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