you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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