remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
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In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Floor bacon is actually really good
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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