Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
