Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
