You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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