it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
