I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
