About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
as a side note pls kill me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
