STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
