I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
