i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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