i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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