I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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