I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
