just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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