chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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