My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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