everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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