Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
