You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
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