Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?