I can text with my tongue
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.