I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall