No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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