I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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