Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
this is an emotional support booty call
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
