I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
