My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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