At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
