Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
