The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
