Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
