Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
