gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
