Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
