I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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