i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
